The Holy Grail Press
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Word of the Every So Often​
traduce: (verb) to speak lies or talk badly about someone so as to ruin their reputation; to disparage; to defame. The president traduced all of his enemies until there was no one else to traduce.
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The Almost Daily
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March 18 is National Sloppy Joes Day. Now there's a celebration we can all get behind here at the Press. As the story goes, back in 1930 there was a chef in Souix City, Iowa, named Joe who wasn't particulary neat, and he came up with an idea for a sandwich by adding tomatoe sauce to sandwich meat, and, you guessed it: The Sloppy Joe. Or it could've been invented by a guy named Jose Abeal Otero in his restaurant in Havana, Cuba, a place known for its muddy floors. But then, the Town Hall Deli in New Jersey says they invented the sandwich in the 1930s. Regardless, by the 1940s when you mentioned a sloppy joe, people knew what you were talking about. And what goes better with sloppy joes than tater tots? They were invented in 1953 by the Grigg Brothers in Ontario, Oregon, where they celebrate tater tots every year on the third weekend of September, which this year will be on the 19th & 20th.
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Cartoon of the Week
Had the other rider been passing to his right, then it would have been proper to have offered him a greeting.
STUFF
Maggie
Maggie was a cat.
She was a good cat.
She did what cats are supposed to do well.
She slept, she ate, she laid around,
and she caught mice.
Maggie was good at catching mice.
She ate them, too,
which her people found rather disgusting,
but they were willing to ignore it,
because they really didn’t like the mice.
Maggie’s life was good.
But it wasn’t enough.
So Maggie decided to go to college
and major in philosophy.
Well, sure, most people in her undergrad classes
noticed that she was a cat,
but the further she went
the less anybody seemed to care,
until she got in grad school,
and then nobody noticed at all.
The trouble began
before Maggie finished her Ph.D.
She started to question things, like:
Was the unquestioned mouse
really not worth eating?
Was any mouse worth eating?
Were there really any mice at all,
or were they a collective illusion?
Perhaps Maggie herself
was an illusion of a mouse.
And the more Maggie thought,
the more she came to realize
that she could never stop.
The logic followed QED:
If you meow,
and therefore you are,
then if you don’t meow,
then, therefore, you’re not.
But perhaps she wasn’t anyway,
for after all,
how could you ever know anything for sure?
And Maggie became totally useless as a cat.
Of course,
it took the mice a whole three minutes
to realize that not only was Maggie
not going to chase them anymore,
but Maggie wasn’t even going to move,
even after they discovered
that the quickest way to the kitchen
was going over Maggie.
And in marginally less time
than it took the mice to realize
that Maggie was less than useless,
the mice had overrun the entire house.
It was about that time
that Maggie got the boot.
She was replaced by a tomcat
who was so stupid,
that he thought his tail
belonged to somebody else.
He had the mice whipped into shape by nightfall.
Maggie might’ve starved
had she not made her way to the University,
where she came to stay,
spending the rest of her days
in the Philosophy Department.
Well, yeah, she was just as useless there,
but nobody there noticed the difference.
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