The Holy Grail Press
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Word of the Every So Often
pash: (noun) a brief infatuation. Ron had a pash on a bear. The bear had a crush on Ron. Like so many infatuations, so soon are they gone.
The Daily Lesson
It was on August 7, 1985, that the first Darwin Award was… well… awarded. The Darwin Award is given posthumously to people who have improved the gene pool by dying. Ever see those warnings on vending machines that they could tip over and crush you... especially if you’re dumb enough to tip it over trying to get a free soda? Yup. That was the first guy. Since then awards have gone to people for doing stuff like taking selfies with live bears, sticking their upper body out the sunroof and then going under low bridges, the guy who tried to disarm a grenade with a hammer, or the two guys who tried to trim the hedge by holding a running lawnmower between them.
Be wary, though. You may find this as a shock, but everything you read on the internet is not necessarily true, and that may be especially true of people doing incredibly stupid things. For instance, there’s the story of the guy who strapped a JATO on his Impala. A JATO – jet assisted take off – is the rocket booster they use on jets taking off from aircraft carriers and other short runways. The Impala reportedly exceeded 300 mph before smashing into the side of a cliff. Yeah. It’s a great story. Except it never happened. What makes a story like that seem true, though, is deep down we all know there are people dumb enough to do it. And that’s why there are Darwin Awards.
Cartoon of the Week
Fowl Language
Stuff
The History of the Future: The End of Inventions
It was in June of 2336 that Professor Noland Marvin published his thoroughly comprehensive History of Everything Ever Invented. The book immediately became a standard reference for the International Patent and Copyright Office. Whenever somebody thought she had a novel idea, the IPCO would simply cross-reference it with Dr. Marvin’s History and confirm that it wasn’t novel in the least. In fact, it was quickly discovered that nothing new was left to invent. On March 18, 2337, the IPCO received its last query ever. That invention, too, had been thought of before.
Perhaps coincidentally, it was also in March of 2337 that MindFlix, the largest supplier of media on the planet, stopped suggesting what viewers might like to watch. They just told them what they were going to watch. And nobody seemed to mind, because, after all, it was really what they wanted to watch anyway.
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