The History of the Future:  The End of Sagging

It was in the summer of 2032 that the dress fashion known as "sagging" came to an abrupt end.  As one fashion critic stated, sagging, which featured wearing one’s trousers no higher than somewhere well below the crotch, “was just taken too far.”  A group of young men in Detroit began the short-lived fad of “dragging,” which was simply putting only one foot through one’s trousers and then dragging them as one walked. The fad lasted a little over two weeks before others, seemingly all at once, came to the sudden realization of just how fantastically stupid that was.  What followed was the equally sudden realization of just how stupid sagging was, as well.  And that was followed by what became known as “neo retro anti-sagging,” where the trousers were increasingly worn higher and higher in an effort to prove that the wearers definitely were not sagging, and that anybody whose trousers were worn lower than theirs was considered sagging, and that person was therefore what one fashion pundit described as “dweebified.”  Wearing a belt around one’s neck was briefly popular, and surprisingly very few people were asphyxiated.  The fad peaked with the adherents wearing their trousers so high that they had to unzip their flies to see.  A few purists, who became known as “those assholes who keep running into everything,” refused to peek out of the fly, stating that it was demeaning.  The height of one’s trousers suddenly became irrelevant by the spring of 2034, when the craze of church hats – a miniaturized, sanctified steeple that one could wear on one’s head, and thus be in church always – captured the public whim.  See Eldridge’s concise history of fashion, How Dumb Can We Get? (Holy Grail Press, 2034)​