The Holy Grail Press
Proudly Made On Earth By Earthlings
Word of the Every So Often
marcassin: (noun) (pronounced: mar-kaz-sum... kinda like sarcasm) a young wild boar, or, for that matter, any young pig... but usually wild. If you want bacon for breakfast, you’re going to have to catch the marcassin.
Everyday History
On October 4, 1957, Sputnik 1, launched by the Soviet Union, became the first human made object to achieve orbit around the earth. Sputnik, which means “traveling companion” in Russian, scared the bejeezus out of the United States, and officially started the space race. Sputnik’s orbit, on the perigee (the closest point) was 134 miles from the earth, and 583 on its apogee. If you had a good telescope, you could see it, and if you had a radio, you could hear it beeping for three weeks – until its batteries died. In all, the 23 inch, 184 pound satellite (about the size of a beachball) orbited the earth for three months before burning up in the Earth’s atmosphere. It made 1440 orbits for a total of 43.5 million miles, give or take. On January 31, 1958, the United States launched the Explorer 1 satellite, but it was too late. The godless Commies had beat us to space. They wouldn’t beat us to the moon, though.
Cartoon of the Week
“’Amazing Navigational Skills’ my ass! Admit it. We’re lost."
Stuff
History of the Future: Tagging
It was on December 4th, 2028, that Seattle shop owner Felix MacGoogan, tired of the nightly “tagging” of his business’s outer walls by rival street gangs, just left cans of spray paint outside for them to use. Said MacGoogan, “What’s the point of even trying? I paint over their graffiti in the morning so they can put graffiti over my paint at night. Besides, what do I care what colour it’s painted? Paint is paint. And this way, I don’t have to do it anymore.”
Soon neighboring businesses joined MacGoogan and left paint out as well. Shortly thereafter, the entire city stopped trying. Seeing shop owners set out paint cans at closing became a common sight during the winter of 2029. It wasn’t long, though, before the gangs couldn’t tell their graffiti from even their own. Said one gang member, “It never really made much sense, anyway, but this is ridiculous.” The only way they found to stake out their territory was to completely paint the businesses in solid colours with tastefully coordinated trim. The practice quickly spread, and before long every gang in the city spent their evenings painting local businesses.
Said a former shop owner, “You never knew what colour the shop was going to be each morning. Sometimes it would be red, sometimes blue. You never knew. But they always cleaned up after themselves.” Indeed, it became a sign of power to have the best looking blocks. Soon roving bands of youth were brazenly planting shrubberies along the sidewalks. The sound of a weed eater was common at night.
In the spring of 2030 officials from other cities began arriving, trying to recruit Seattle’s gangs to come to their towns and wreck all the havoc they wished. Chicago and Indianapolis had limited success, but it never quite caught on.
Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stopped. Said one gang member, “Hell, that’s work.” It wasn’t long afterwards that the city fell into disrepair. Having gotten used to not having to do any maintenance on their property, nobody did. Pleas were made to the city gangs, who had all moved to the suburbs and bought homes of their own. Perhaps DJ Weeder, the head of the Toro gang summed it up best, “Man, nobody wants to hang out in the city. That place is a dump. Besides, who’s got time? I’ve got a yard to mow.”
Contact Us
Comments? Criticism? Insults? Money Orders?
Earl, our editor, wants to hear from you!
(But that doesn't necessarily mean you'll hear from him.)
Send your messages or bank account information to: