The Holy Grail Press
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Word of the Every So Often
flexion: (noun) (pronounced: flek-shun) the act of being bent or bending, especially when it comes to stuff like arms and legs. I’ve deduced the reason why you can’t move is that you have no flexion.
Everyday History
On October 1, 1924, Jimmy Carter was born, and he shuffled off his mortal coil on December 29, 2024, at the tender age of 100, making him the longest living president in history. Mr. Carter was our 39th President, following Gerald Ford, who was our only president not to be elected to either the presidency, or the vice presidency. Ford was appointed to become the vice president by Richard Nixon after Spiro Agnew resigned. Shortly thereafter, Nixon resigned, and Ford became our 38th President. And even shortly-er after that he pardoned Nixon. Ford claimed he wanted to put all of the nastiness of Watergate behind us, and that’s why he pardoned Nixon. Everybody and their dog saw it as a bit of quid pro quo. I’ll make you president if you keep me out of jail. Most historians believe that there really was no deal between Ford and Nixon, but “most historians” are not the voting public. Ford ran for the presidency in 1976 against Carter, and he didn’t stand a chance. We here at the Press have all the respect for Mr. Carter. He was probably one of the finest men ever to hold the office... but he wasn’t that good of a president, and he probably never would’ve gotten elected against any other politician than Ford. Carter was soundly trounced by Reagan in 1980. He probably would’ve lost even without the Iranian hostage situation. Isn’t cause and effect fascinating? And speaking of cause and effect...
There are those who argue that the entire tit-for-tat bipartisanism we are all now suffering though with our national government (and often our local government as well) all stems from Nixon. They believe that he was ousted from office because of politics, not because he broke the law. And even if he did break the law, stealing documents from the opposing party’s headquarters in the dead of night isn’t all that bad, now, is it? And since that day the Republicans been trying to get even with the Democrats. By the way, Mr. Carter lived long enough to vote in the 2024 presidential election. Reportedly, he voted Democratic.
Cartoon of the Week
“So I decided that if I couldn’t be perfect, then I’d be vicious!”
Stuff
History of the Future: Souls for Sale
On April 14, 2035, Clarence Tu Tzu Williams, as a joke, offered to sell his soul on the new hypernet site, buyit.com. Said Tzu, “What’s a soul anyway? It’s somebody else’s idea of nothing. If someone wants to pay me for nothing, I’ll take their cash, but I’d prefer euros.” Though buyit.com never disclosed any of their financial records, it is widely believed that the soul sold for just under 20,000 adjusted new dollars.
What followed can only be described as a craze. Soon souls were the most offered commodity on the hypernet. A standardized title, complete with notarization, was even developed for souls. It is estimated that by early August, 2035, between 1.5 and 2.2 million souls were sold and bought on buyit.com. However, in August, a young computational discovered that all of the souls had been purchased by only one individual. That person’s name was never discovered, but it is estimated that he or she paid close to one billion adjusted new dollars, a record for any individual or corporation. The souls were never offered for resale.
Soon after, the craze ended.
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