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"Doing Absolutely Nothing Since 1982."

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The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry.  And let's face it:  No one publishes poetry.  So in the end, we’re left with a lot of free time.

 

 

 

Word of the Every So Often 

May 14, 2021

begore:  (verb)  to smear something with gore.  It's the Zombie Apocalypse.  Getting begored is a foregone conclusion.

 

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Thursday, May 13, 2021

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9:34 am pdt 

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Buddy Badger

            Buddy Badger lived beneath a log on the south side of the pasture.  He had a pleasant home with lots of soft grass to lie on and a collection of wonderful books that he liked to read.  The only thing bad in Buddy’s life was Lester.  Lester was a rabbit.  Lester was obnoxious.  Every day Lester came over to Buddy’s house and let himself in, whether Buddy were home or not.  While he was there, he would eat all of Buddy’s best food, including the apricot jam that Buddy got from his mother every Christmas.  And worst of all, Lester often got jam all over Buddy’s favorite books.  No matter what Buddy said to Lester, it would make no difference.  Once Buddy even changed the lock on his front door, but Lester broke out the little window and let himself in all the same.  And one time Lester even had a party at Buddy’s, and he and all his friends totally trashed out Buddy’s house.

            Buddy didn’t know what to do.  It’s not like you can really call the animal cops.  So Buddy asked Steve; Steve was a squirrel.  Contrary to popular belief, owls are really dumb as dirt.  They just seem smart because the squirrels tell them everything.  Buddy cut out the middleman.

            “What can I do?” asked Buddy.  “Rabbit is trashing out my whole house.  He’s ruined my life.”

            Squirrel thought about it for a while and he finally answered, “If I were you, I’d kill him.”

            “Oh, I couldn’t do that,” Buddy replied.

            “You don’t have to,” said Squirrel.  “You can hire Billy.  He’ll kill him.”

            Billy was a bluebird.  If people only knew how mean bluebirds really were, they’d stop putting out houses for them.

            Buddy still couldn’t bare to have Rabbit killed.  “I’m just not that kind of Badger,” he tried to explain to Squirrel.

            So Squirrel thought about Buddy’s problem some more, and he came up with another idea.  It was an idea that Buddy liked a whole lot more.  Squirrel suggested that Buddy simply beat the living snot out of Rabbit.  “After all,” Squirrel explained, “you are a lot bigger than Rabbit.  You’ve got the reach.  And he won’t be expecting a thing.”

            And that’s just what Buddy did.  The next time Rabbit came over to his house Buddy pounded him into the dirt.  In fact, Buddy was so successful that Rabbit never brought himself or his broken ears back to Buddy’s house ever again.

            The only problem was, Buddy had never done anything violent before in his entire life.  Like most badgers, Buddy was a very peaceful sort of guy.  Pounding Rabbit, though, opened up a whole new world for Buddy.  He soon discovered that he didn’t have to collect any berries.  All he had to do was wait for Bear to return from the Sparkling Stream and then take away all of his berries.  Bears are pushovers that way.  He didn’t have to wait in line to cross the log over the brook.  He just shoved everyone out of his way.  He didn’t even have to clean his house or cook.  He scared the mice so bad that they were afraid not to.

            In short, Buddy became obnoxious.  It got so bad that all the animals in the forest got together and went to Squirrel.  Of course, Squirrel had a simple solution.  Unfortunately for Buddy, they had no problems with bluebirds.

7:54 am pdt 

Thursday, May 6, 2021

Mother’s Day

Contrary to what many might believe,  Mother’s Day – celebrated on the second Sunday of May – was not invented by Hallmark as an excuse to sell cards.  Mothers have undoubtedly been honored for as long as there have been mothers.  The earliest organized celebrations go to back to the ancient Greeks who honored Rhea, the mother of several of their deities, in an annual spring festival.  Likewise, the Romans honored Cybele, “their Great Mother of Gods,” and the Christians in due time honored Mary, the mother of Christ, on the fourth Sunday in Lent. (Mother’s Day)

 

It took several tries to organize Mother’s Day as we now know it in the United States.  One source credits a mother from Albion, Michigan, Juliet Calhoun Blakely.  In the late 1800s, her sons reportedly began paying “...tribute to her each year and urged others to honor their mothers.” (Mother’s Day in the United States) 

 

Others credit Julia Ward Howe.  Howe, along with being a pacifist and a suffragist, also wrote the lyrics to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic."  (Mother’s Day) Around 1870 in Boston, she “...called for Mother's Day to be celebrated each year to encourage pacifism and disarmament amongst women.” (Mother’s Day in the United States)  She believed that mothers “...bore the loss of human life more harshly than anyone else.” (Mother’s Day)  After about ten years, though, her efforts died out. (Mother’s Day in the United States)

 

The two women commonly credited with getting Mother’s Day recognized as a national holiday in the Untied States are Ann and Anna Jarvis, a mother and daughter respectively from Grafton, West Virginia.  Starting in the Civil War, the elder Jarvis organized “Mother’s Day Work Clubs” to equally care for wounded soldiers from both sides.  (Strauss)  In 1905 when Mother Jarvis died, her daughter began a campaign to memorialize her life work. Legend has it that young Anna remembered a Sunday school lesson that her mother gave in which she said, "I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mother's day. There are many days for men, but none for mothers." (Mother’s Day)

 

In 1907, Jarvis was content to hold a private memorial for her mother, but the following year, Jarvis organized a service honoring mothers in general at the Andrew's Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, West Virginia, which was attended by over 400 mothers and their children.  Since then, the church has been designated as a National Historic Landmark, having “become the International Mother's Day Shrine.” (Mother’s Day in the United States)

 

With the eventual financial support of a wealthy Philadelphia merchant, John Wanamaker, who saw the marketing potential from the start, (Father’s Day) Jarvis was able to bring her cause to the attention of national lawmakers, (Mother’s Day in the United States)  including both Presidents Taft and Teddy Roosevelt.  (Mother’s Day)  In 1913, “the House of Representatives adopted a resolution calling for officials of the federal government to wear white carnations on Mother's Day,” a practice Jarvis had started five years earlier.  And the following year, in 1914, all of Anna’s lobbying paid off with Woodrow Wilson’s declaring Mother’s Day a national holiday  (Mother’s Day) “in honor of ‘that tender, gentle army, the mothers of America.’” (Father’s Day)  Since then, Mother’s Day has become the most popular day of the year to eat out, and that day also marks the heaviest traffic on telephone networks as children across America call their mothers. (Mother’s Day)

 

Ironically, to say the least, Jarvis spent the later years of her life lobbying in vain for the abolition of Mother’s Day because she felt “...that the day's sentiment was being sacrificed at the expense of greed and profit.”  She filed a lawsuit in 1923 to stop a Mother’s Day celebration, and went so far as to be arrested for trying to stop the sell of carnations to a group of war mothers.  (Mother’s Day)  Jarvis had meant for Mother’s Day to be “’a day of sentiment, not profit...’” for the greeting card industry, “...which she saw as ‘a poor excuse for the letter you are too lazy to write.’”  To her dying day in 1948, Jarvis regretted ever creating the holiday.  (Strauss)

 

But, really, what did she suspect?  After all, this is America, and if there is a way to make a buck off something, you have to be pretty naïve to think somebody won’t.  If marijuana is ever legalized, how long do you think it will take for there to be 4-20 cards?  Oh... wait.  There already are. (“4 20 Cards” and “420 Greeting Cards,” to name but a few)

 

Incidentally, Anna Jarvis never had children. (Strauss)

 

 

Work Cited

 

“4 20 Cards.”  2012.  Zazzle.  16 Aug. 2012.  http://www.zazzle.com/4+20+cards

 

“420 Greeting Cards.”  2012.  Café Press.  16 Aug. 2012.  http://www.cafepress.com/+420+greeting_cards

 

“Father’s Day.”  2012.  History.com.  15 Aug. 2012.  http://www.history.com/topics/fathers-day

 

“Mother’s Day.”  123.Holiday.Net.  15 Aug. 2012.  http://mothers-day.123holiday.net/

 

“Mother’s Day in the United States.”  2012.  TimeAndDate.com.  15 Aug. 2012.  http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/us/mothers-day

 

Strauss, Valerie.  Why Mother’s Day founder came to hate her creation (and more on moms, gifts, baby names etc.).”  13 May 2012.  The Washington Post.  15 Aug. 2012.  http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/why-mothers-day-founder-came-to-hate-her-creation-and-more-on-moms-gifts-baby-names-etc/2012/05/13/gIQAy

9:18 am pdt 

Monday, May 3, 2021

Divergent Fox and the Seven Bunnies Buford

– a  fable –

Once there was a very unimaginative rabbit who had seven bunnies.  Since she had no imagination whatsoever, she named them all Buford.  All the Bunnies Buford grew up, and as bunnies often do, they set off together to find the world.

Now it so happened that Divergent Fox and his kit, who was named Carson, were out for the day when they saw the seven Bunnies Buford’s hopping along all in a row.

“Why do you suppose it is that bunnies hop?” Divergent Fox asked Carson, for he was teaching his kit the ways of the world.

“Evolution,” answered Carson, after carefully considering the question for several moments.  “Their hind legs have evolved over time so they can do stuff like that.  But I haven’t the slightest idea why,” he added.

Divergent Fox smiled his approval.  “Very good,” he said, “but it’s not exactly the answer I was searching for.  Can you try again?"

“Oh,” said Carson.  He thought and he thought and he thought.  “The hopping motion,” he concluded, “allows the rabbit to flee quickly from danger while allowing him to periodically see over the tall grasses in which he frequents, thus allowing him to avoid further danger.”

Divergent Fox once again smiled his approval.  “Very well thought out,” he said.  "However, I had a different answer in mind.  Can you try again?”

“Oh,” said Carson.  And once more he thought and thought and thought.  And when he was through thinking he answered, “No."

“A rabbit hops,” explained Divergent Fox, “so that it can get to where it’s going.”

“Oh,” said Carson.

“And where do you suppose those seven bunnies are going?” asked Divergent Fox.

“I don’t know,” said Carson, having not thought at all.

“They’re going to be our dinner,” Divergent Fox said with a smile that only a fox can smile.

And with that he leapt from behind the thicket where he had been hidden and grabbed the very last Buford in the row.

The Buford who had been walking in front of the last Buford turned and saw that Buford was gone, so Buford asked the other Bufords, “Where’s Buford?”  And since they were all named Buford, they all answered, “Here.”  And nobody noticed that the last Buford was gone.

Pretty soon Divergent Fox once again leapt from behind the thicket, and he once again grabbed the very last Buford in the row.

When the other Bufords suspected that another Buford was gone, they all asked, “Where’s Buford?”   And, of course, they all answered, “Here,” and continued on their way.

This went on until there was only one Buford left.  And, of course, when he was gone, there was no one left to ask, “Where’s Buford?”

No one, that is, except for Carson, who dreamily asked, “Where do you suppose it is that bunnies go when they are no more?”

Divergent Fox, who was too full to answer, burped twice, and then closed his tired eyes and quietly began to snore.

9:11 am pdt 


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