Saturday, November 21, 2020
11:06 am pst
History of the Future: Souls for
April through August, 2035
Even though souls had been offered for sale from time to time
on the Internet, buyit.com, on the hypernet, saw its first offer to sell a soul on April 14, 2035. Clarence
Tu Tzu Williams, as a joke, waged his soul to the highest bidder, starting at 500 adjusted new dollars. Said
Tzu, “What’s a soul anyway? It’s somebody else’s idea of nothing. If
someone wants to pay me for nothing, I’ll take their cash, but I’d prefer euros.” Though
buyit.com never disclosed any of their financial records, it is widely believed that the soul sold for just under 2,000 a.n.d.
What followed can only be described as a craze.
Soon souls were the most offered commodity on the hypernet. A standardized title, complete with
notarization, was even developed for souls. It is estimated that by early August, 2035, between 1.5 and
2.2 million souls were sold and bought on buyit.com. However, in August, a young computational discovered
that all of the souls had been purchased by only one individual. That person’s name was never discovered,
but it is estimated that he or she paid close to one billion adjusted new dollars, a record for any individual or corporation.
The souls were never offered for resale.
after, the craze ended.
Sunday, November 15, 2020
10:07 am pst
Do you think it makes a difference which one we choose?"
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
9:03 am pst
On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month – at 11:00 a.m. on November 11, 1918,
the Great War (back when it was not yet necessary to number them) officially came to an end. It was the
War to End All Wars. ‘Tis a pity it truly wasn’t.
A legislative Act (52
Stat. 351; 5 U. S. Code, Sec. 87a), which was approved on May 13, 1938, “made the 11th of November in each year a legal
holiday—a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be thereafter celebrated and known as ‘Armistice
Whereas Armistice Day was originally dedicated specifically to peace and generally to honoring
those who died in WWI, it was officially changed in 1954 to Veterans’ Day – a national holiday set aside to honor
all of our veterans, which by then included WWII and Korea.
Nowadays it is seen as
“A celebration to honor America's veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice
for the common good.” Whether we view any given war, or any war at all, as far as that goes, as good
or bad, right or wrong, there can be no debate over the sacrifice that those who have willingly gone to fight have made, and
continue to make. That sacrifice should not be recognized only one day of the year. To
those of you who have worn the uniform, to those of you who have made the sacrifice: Thank you.
“History of Veterans
Day.” 10 Nov. 2009. United States Department of Veterans Affairs.
15 Aug. 2011. http://www.va.gov/opa/vetsday/vetdayhistory.asp
Monday, November 9, 2020
9:19 am pst
This coming up Friday, November 13, 2020, is, as the name implies,
a Friday that, by chance, falls on the 13th day of the month. It seems the idea of Friday the
Thirteenth comes from earlier superstitions that both the number 13 and Friday are unlucky. When they come
together… what do you expect? Or perhaps it stems from the idea that celestial events that fall
on arbitrarily numbered days portend some sort of cosmic sign.
In many cultures, 12 represents a “complete” number. After all, it
is the smallest number that can be divided by 2, 3, & 4. Think of all the things we know that come
by the dozen – months, hours, inches, apostles, the 12 tribes of Judaism, the 12 gods of Olympus, dice, donuts, and
eggs. Thirteen… just mucks things up. As well, there are even old Norse and Jewish
legends that say if 13 people dine, then one of them is going to die. A good thing to keep in mind when
inviting people to your Friday the 13th parties. Just consider the Last Supper from Christian
mythology. It was on a Friday, and there were 13 present. Why it is referred to as Good
Friday is beyond me.
And Friday is unlucky
because… well, it just is. Really, nobody seems to have cared about Friday the 13th before
the 19th century. The earliest record in the English language of Friday the Thirteenth being
unlucky is that of a British journalist in 1869, but since then we’ve developed all sorts of phobias.
“The fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia (Frigga being
the name of the Norse goddess for whom ‘Friday’ is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number
thirteen).” Of course, not everybody sees Friday the 13th as unlucky. The Chinese, for
instance, believe the number 13 is lucky. But then, there are those who believe that it is unlucky to be
Chinese. Seriously: Chinophobia is the fear of Chinese people, Chinese customs, and
anything else Chinese. As far as that goes, there a phobia for fearing American: Amerophobia.
But why stop there? Xenophobia is pretty much the fear of everybody who isn’t you, and Autophobia
is the fear of yourself. And then there’s Panophobia: The fear of everything.
So is Friday the 13th really
unlucky? According to a study done in Britain, there are actually fewer accidents on Friday the 13th
than other random combinations of week days and days of the months. But that could be because, as the study
pointed out, fewer people leave their homes on Friday the 13th, and on that day, overall, people tend to be more
Me? I think I’ll
err on the side of caution and stay in the house all day.
By the way, it would be a rare year that didn’t have at least one Friday the Thirteenth. That one Friday the Thirteenth in 2021 will be in August.
“Amerophobia.” 2011. Boredom
Relief. 11 Jan. 2012. http://www.blifaloo.com/info/phobias.php
“Chinophobia.” 2011. Boredom Relief. 11
Jan. 2012. http://www.blifaloo.com/info/phobias.php
“Friday the 13th.” 27 Dec. 2011. Wikipedia.
30 Dec. 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th
“The Phobia List.”
17 July 1995. phobialist.com. 11 Jan. 2012. http://phobialist.com/
“What Phobia is the Fear of Yourself?” 2012. Answers.com.
11 Jan. 2012. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_phobia_is_the_fear_of_yourself
“Why Friday the 13th is Unlucky.” 2012. About.com.:
Urban Legends. 11 Jan. 2012. http://urbanlegends.about.com/cs/historical/a/friday_the_13th.htm
Friday, November 6, 2020
10:38 am pst
of the Future: The Collected Literary Works of Larry Jerkensen
2442: After having been lost for over 400 years, the collected
works of poet and essayist Larry Jerkensen were discovered on the Internet by a very bored 14 year old in Akron.
Larry intentionally lost his collected literary works on the Internet before his death in 2019, because
he believed his work was not appreciated by his contemporaries, and could only truly be appreciated with the perspective of
time. Those few acamedians that managed to read through enough to fake the rest, believed that Jerkensen’s
lack of appreciation had less to do with perspective, and was mostly due to the fact that he just sucked. However,
giving Jerkensen the benefit of doubt, they intentionally lost his life’s work once again on the Internet.
June 24th, 2842: Nope. It still sucks.