"Doing Absolutely Nothing Since 1982."
The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant
to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry. And let's face it: No one publishes poetry. So in the end,
we’re left with a lot of free time.
Word of the Every So
off-putting: (adj.) unpleasant; disconcerting; repellent. What
was even more concerning than the president's insularity was that nobody else seemed to find it off-putting.
...What's Old at the Press
Friday, July 31, 2020
8:26 am pdt
blows upon the wind
some find no purchase
some find open ground
some find the crack at the end of
where they do the only thing they know how
endlessly being tread upon
being pulled from between the broken concrete
refusing to let go
to push up yet again
to be trod upon
to be baked
Monday, July 27, 2020
7:37 am pdt
The Ballad of Mordaci Bloode
Screaming Death was the most sought after band.
They played the biggest houses throughout
With his platform shoes
and his bellbottom pants,
his leather fringed shirt
and his funky little
Mordaci Bloode would strut across the stage,
bustin' guitars with the crowd in a rage.
And when Mordaci
ventured out for a beer,
people would stop and people would stare.
But Mordaci, Mordaci,
Mordaci Bloode just
And when rock turned to disco
and disco turned to punk,
"Who needs this junk?"
And he still kicked his amps
and busted guitars,
he and his roadies
would trash out the bars.
But the towns grew thinner
and the crowds grew lean,
then the band members said,
"We're splittin' this scene."
And Mordaci shouted
that he didn't care,
but you just can't have a concert
when there's nobody there.
Mordaci sits at the bar
The fans have all left him,
the roadies gone home.
to stop and stare
at his outrageous clothing
or his wild, bushy hair,
and none of his songs
are played on the air,
because nobody, but nobody,
Monday, July 20, 2020
11:17 am pdt
Undisturbed for countless years sleeping soundly, half buried in the soft, silty sand there
was a thing – whatever it was – weighing forty-six tons (most of which were teeth). All two
hundred and ten ferocious feet of its black bulky body was covered with think, crusty scales; it had little tiny feet and
a huge polliwog tail, but mostly it was teeth – rows upon rows of terrible, treacherous, very sharp teeth.
Making his way through the thickets and trees, old wind worn
Wendell wound his way down through the woods to his favourite fishing hole, armed with only his fishing pole – and a
jar of stink bait. Leaning back against a tree and resting his pole on his knees, Wendell wiped the tobacco
that had dribbled down his stubble, and then pulled from the pocket of his faded coveralls the greasy, slimy jar of stink
bait. And giving the stubborn lid a twist there immediately arouse such a stench that every nose in the
county was opened, and for a mile around all the leaves turned brown. With his face streaming tears and
his sinuses perpetually cleared, Wendell told himself that without a doubt, “That the most powerful stink bait I ever
sank a hook into!” So seated comfortably on the bank with the water suffocating the stink that the
stink bait stank, Wendell let his line out.
gots to go deep when yer usin’ stink bait,” Wendell told his reel as the line went winding down. Down
past the flowing reeds and the swaying moss and the rusting cans and the little fish swimming in rows, down past God knows
what, that stink bait sank. And the line kept winding down, down even deeper, past where the bubbles bibble
and waves waff, deeper and deeper into the dank, where that stink bait still stank a stifling stench. And
finally it had gone as far as it could go, and it came to rest on the nose of that thing – whatever it was.
And without hesitating or even thinking twice, it gave a swish
from its mighty tail and a push for its little feet, and that thing – whatever it was – headed for the top, all
forty-six tons (most of which were teeth). Wendell saw the water bubble and boil and churn, and then it
turned a dark bluish gray, but Wendell never saw that thing – whatever it was. He only saw the teeth.
They never found Wendell, nothing, no trace, no clue, no tobacco stains. All that thing –
whatever it was – left was that jar of stink bait.
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
7:07 am pdt
History of the Future: The End of Higher Education
The Acting Class Class Action Lawsuit originated in the Marshfield
High School in Marshfield, Missouri, in the spring of 2032. Soon they were joined by over two million students
across the United States, all of whom were incensed over having to take Drama in their Junior year of high school.
Said one student, “Hell. What’s the point in this? I ain’t
ever gonna be no actor!”
It took over two years for the case to work its way through the court
system, but in October of 2035, the Supreme Court, citing that it was not necessary to be educated in order to make an educated
decision about education, agreed in favour of the students,. Justice Clinton, in writing for the majority,
stated, “I never wanted to take those useless classes, either.”
Citing precedent, the case was applied
the following year to Narvel v. the University of Wisconsin, where it was ruled that not only did students
not have to take any class that wasn’t directly related to their major, but they didn’t have to take any class
that they already weren’t very good in, or just didn’t like. In essence, what the court ruled
was that all that was necessary to earn a degree was to be able to do one’s job, and nothing else.
Birmingham Amalgamated Steel Corporation V. Alabama State University, further defined by Gorman V. Luxor Aircraft Manufactures,
determined all that was necessary for a degree was for a person to be able to perform a small portion of a job.
Knowledge of the whole was superfluous. For instance, why would somebody need to understand aeronautics
if all they were going to be doing was putting rivets in a wing? As far as that goes, why would that worker
even need to know how the rivet gun worked when all that person really needed to know was where to aim it and how to pull
By the fall of 2040, almost all major universities and junior colleges in the
United States had disbanded, many of them being converted into condos. Most historians cite the landmark
court case in Florida in 2038 for the near total demise of higher education.
Stated one education official in
Florida, “Hell, if all we’re doing is training these kids to work… I mean, how much do you really need
to know to operate a drill press. Heck, as long as you can reach the pedals, then how hard is it to drive
a truck?” It was shortly thereafter, that Florida changed its mandatory education age from 16 to
9. Commenting on that decision, one legislature stated, “Most of us was for 8, but them little guys
really have a hard time running a forklift at that age.”
Having children work at such a young age, as expected, was a hotly
debated issue. That issue was resolved with The Child Labour Act of 2041, which stated that if a person
has finished her or his education, then that person is technically no longer a child, and he or she not only should be expected
to work, but not working was seen, as further defined by the courts in Widbey vs. The US Textile Industry, as putting an unnecessary
burden on those taxpayers who do work. Therefore, it was agreed in a unanimous decision by the Supreme
Court in 2043 that every US citizen who had completed the third grade was compelled to work.
It was further ruled in the
summer of 2044, in West Virginia Ore and Mining Company V. Grudensen, that setting limits, either maximum or minimum, on how
much a company was forced to pay their employees, as well as how long those employees should be allowed to work, was an unnecessary
intrusion into the work place by the government. The same session also saw the repeal of workplace safety
laws. After all, where one worked was a choice made by that person, the employee, and any conditions that
existed in that place of employment was therefore agreed to by the employee. Besides, it should not be
the responsibility of the government to mandate how any business should be able to operate the most efficiently.
were limited attempts at revolution by the workers, but most failed simply because any given worker only knew how to do her
or his specific job, and nothing else. Stated one government official, “Gees Louise, if the bus didn’t take
most of them home they’d wander aimlessly on the streets. Most don’t even know how to boil water, and if
they do, then they really don’t know what to do with it. And the guy that knows what to put in that water, really
doesn’t have a clue on what to do with it when it’s done. You see, it takes everybody working together.
On our own, it just won’t work. But isn’t that how a democracy should work?”
Monday, July 13, 2020
8:30 am pdt