Friday, January 23, 2015
10:15 am pst
The First Continental
Congress Trading Cards
Ladies and Gentlemen, what we have next is the official First Edition
of the Continental Congress trading cards. As I’m sure you all already know, this is the real thing, authenticated
by Lloyd’s and re-certified by the American Union of Trading Cards.
These trading cards, issued in 1775 by the Southerbury Printing Press
out of Boston, Massachusetts, are the only know completely intact set of any of the much coveted Continental Congress trading
cards. As a side note, Southerbury, who hand printed each card, was a close friend to Benjamin Franklin, and the design
is said to bear the distinctive hand of none other than Mr. Franklin, but, I must attest, that fact has not been verified.
This is the
complete series, Ladies and Gentlemen. It is said to contain the never-before-seen Betsy Ross card, as well as the card
that depicts Washington crossing the Delaware that later paintings are said to be based on, and even contains the bubble gum
that was handmade by Mrs. Southerbury.
As you can understand, the contents inside the package have not been examined, as that would substantially
lessen their value. In fact, the pack cannot even be viewed, to protect it from light damage, and it cannot be weighed,
as that might disturb the delicate molecular structure of these very old trading cards. You are, though, welcome to
examine the hermetically sealed box that they are stored in. Bidding will start at $125,000.
10:13 am pst
Lunatic Monologues: Your Neighbor to the North
Hello, neighbor. Caulfield’s
my name. I’m your neighbor to the north. Just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. I raise snakes.
It’s a hobby. I’ve crossed a cobra with a chameleon. You won’t see her until she bites you.
They hardly ever escape, but if you happen to see one, just give me a call.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
2:55 pm pst
A Public Service from the
Holy Grail Press:
How to tell if you have too much money:
#1. There's a helicopter sitting on top of your yacht.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
10:22 am pst
Carl knew there was no getting around it. This
was his bear to cross.
10:21 am pst
chirp cheep cluck quack squawk
twitter chitter flitter groak
caw coo hoot honk awk