Friday, November 21, 2014
4:41 pm pst
The History of the Future: Gluten-Free Gluten
20, 2028, Franz Josef Von Spekelburgenstein was awarded a patent for Gluten-Free Gluten, a substance that he marketed under
the trade name “Taste Again.” Said Von Spekelburgenstein, “It’s a gluten-free gluten that allows
you to eat everything with gluten in it, but still be smug about it.”
Less than a year later, on February 7, 2029, Gluten-Free Gluten-Free
was introduced for those “who wanted to be sure.” Sold primarily in health food stores under various trade names, it was said to neutralize any of the reported side-effects
from Gluten-Free Gluten that might’ve inadvertently been introduced into your food.
This was soon followed by Freer Gluten-Free Gluten, Freer Than Free Gluten-Free Gluten, and Free the Gluten Five.
However, by the end of the fourth
quarter in 2032, it was reported that every company that had been marketing gluten and gluten-free additives had gone out
of business. As well, demand for all gluten-free
substances had all but disappeared. Said one
consumer, “It’s not that we still don’t care. We just got confused.”
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
3:43 pm pst
If people could lick their own ass, we would.
Then there would be debates whether we should. There would be those who would argue that we are healthier when we do.
That it is natural. That not licking our own ass actually causes diseases. And those people would be convinced
that they are right, and still be clueless why nobody wants to kiss them.