Wednesday, May 11, 2011
30 Year Motto Contest
4:55 pm pdt
were all sitting around the other day, which is pretty much what we do every day, when Ms. Joblonski commented that next year
will be the Holy Grail Press’s thirty year anniversary in the publishing business, even though technically we haven’t
really published anything. So we all decided that that was something that needed to be celebrated, and
what better time to start doing it than way before it actually is here? So we’ve decided to start
now! And the best place to start is with a motto! So we’re holding our first annual
Thirty Year Motto Contest. Everybody who wants to enter the 30 Year Motto Contest
should send their entries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Of course, we have no intention of using anybody’s motto but our own, and if we actually use yours,
you won’t win anything. We won’t even give you credit. But it would be a
heck of a lot easier than coming up with one of our own. So enter soon! Enter often!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The End of Sagging
8:00 pm pdt
This is part of an ongoing project by Mandrake Chapman, what he calls the History of the Future.
It was in the summer of 2012 that
the dress fashion known as sagging came to an abrupt end. As one fashion critic stated, sagging, which
featured wearing one’s trousers no higher than somewhere well below the crotch, “was just taken too far.”
A group of young men in Detroit began the short-lived fad of “dragging,” which was simply putting only
one foot through one’s trousers and then dragging them as one walked. The fad lasted a little over two weeks before
others, seemingly all at once, came to the sudden realization of just how fantastically stupid that was. What
followed was the equally sudden realization of just how stupid sagging was, as well. And that was followed
by what became known as “neo retro anti-sagging,” where the trousers were increasingly worn higher and higher
in an effort to prove that the wearers definitely were not sagging, and that anybody whose trousers were worn lower than theirs
was considered sagging, and that person was therefore what one fashion pundit described as “dweebified.”
Wearing a belt around one’s neck was briefly popular, and surprisingly very few people were asphyxiated.
The fad peaked with the adherents wearing their trousers so high that they had to unzip their flies to see.
A few purists, who became known as “those assholes who keep running into everything,” refused to peek out
of the fly, stating that it was demeaning. The height of one’s trousers suddenly became irrelevant
by the spring of 2014, when the craze of church hats – a miniaturized, sanctified steeple that one could wear on one’s
head, and thus be in church always – captured the public whim.
We Have a Winner!
7:57 pm pdt
Mrs. Audry McEkelpiece, of Wall, Sourth Dakota was the 1,000 vistor to our
web site. She was actually serarching for an Alloy Nail Press, whatever that might be, but here at HGP, we don't care!
She wins just the same! And for being our 1,000 vistor, Mrs. McEkelpeice, of Wall, Sourth Dakota, wins a year's
supply of Pew!, the new hosuehold deoderizor that takes away the sin, as well as the odor. In addition, she wins a lifetime*
free subscription to the HGP web site, and our newest feature, "Holy Grail Press: The Game." Now you
can play the Holy Grail Press in the comfort of your very own home! Congratulations Mrs. McEkelpiece!
* "Lifetime" is that of a mayfly.