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"Doing Absolutely Nothing for Over 35 Years."

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The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry.  And let's face it:  No one publishes poetry.  So in the end, we’re left with a lot of free time.

 

 

 

What's New at the Press 

 

...What's Old at the Press 

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Friday, April 3, 2009

Get to Work!

Some of the writers here at HGP, who we don't need to name, claim that when they're off on a creative tangent -- they're excuse for the writing they actually get paid to do -- they are less focused on writing for the HGP.  Personally, I think they're faking.
12:44 pm pdt 

Chip Tease

You know what really turds me off?  A chip teaser.  You know the guy.  They eat the last of the chips but don't do the chip trough thing -- you know, where you make the bag into a trough so you can herd every last crumb into your mouth.  No.  They don't do that.  They pinch out all they can and then stop.  And they don't throw the bag away.  So you come along and you see the bag.  And you're thinkin', "I wonder..."  So you look inside, and you think, "Hmmmm.  I wonder if there's enough there for a chip trough..."  So you try it.  But there's not.  Aughhhh!  That's almost as bad as drinking the last beer.  Just thought you'd like to know
12:41 pm pdt 

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Let's Go Consuming!

Do you suppose so many girls would say that their hobby was shopping if it were called consuming?  "Oh, I love to consume!"  "Let's go to the mall and consume!"  "Consuming is so much fun!"  "I just love to get my daddy's credit card so I can go consume!"  "Come on, everybody, we're going to the Consuming Mall.  It's right next to the Consuming Center."  "We're doing our Holiday Consuming."  "Have you consumed for mom yet?"  "Consume 'til you drop!"  Consume until we all drop.

And on a similiar thought, if consuming makes us happy, how much is it that we need to consume to be truly happy?  It's important to know.  Otherwise, how can you truly know when you're happy.  "Oh... wait... there's one more sweater in the bottom of my bag.  That makes 13.  Yes!  I'm happy now."
10:40 am pdt 

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Computer Club

Bobby:  Ummm, yeah.  We’ve created a rift in the space/time continuum by bending light in on itself.

 

Thomas:  It’s really not that hard to do.

 

Cameron:  They sell everything you need at Radio Shack.

 

Eugene:  Yeah, and you see, we were able to create a worm hole...

 

Bobby:  That allowed us to go anywhere in space and time...

 

Cameron:  So we could look in on the girls’ locker room.

 

Eugene:  And they didn’t even know it.

 

Thomas:  And it’s cheaper than TVo.

 

Eugene:  But it messed with the reception on the TV...

 

Bobby:  So we had to get rid of it.

 

Cameron:  Yeah.

 
5:50 am pdt 

Saints Be True

This was written by Seamus O’Hannerty.  It has a tune that we’re all trying to forget.  We all thought Seamus was related to somebody here at HGP.  Come to find out, he was just sleeping off his St. Patrick’s day celebration.  He left us this song to pay for our hospitality.  Money probably would’ve worked better.

 
Saints be True 


Ah, Saints be true,

for if they’re not whatever shall we do?

To give our prayers

to nothin’ but air...

‘twould be the fun in that?

 

Ah, but to know it’s right

when sun comes to night.

Ay, I can drink to that.

 

And if the Saints true

then maybe me,

and hopefully you

Will look St. Peter right in the eye

And with a smile we’ll say

we’ve come an awful long way

How about sharin’ what we know you have

And he well.

 

Ah, Saints be true.

For me, and you.

And a long life too

love to see you through.

 
5:45 am pdt 


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