Thursday, December 15, 2016
2:38 pm pst
you're attending a liberal arts college where you are pursuing a degree in liberal arts, and you're complaining that the professor
who teaches all those liberal arts is... liberal.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
3:42 pm pst
My Special Job
Hi, everybody, I'm Mr. Shepherd,
Billy's dad. Thank you so much for inviting me here to your school, Russell Elementary, for Careers Day. As Billy
may already have told you, I design computer games. Yeah, that is pretty cool. You might know some of the games
I've worked on. You might even have played them. Robot Plague. Blood Revenge Three. Gruesome Horrible
Death, both One and Two. And so many more. No, I don't make the entire game. I'm part of a great big team.
We all have our special jobs to do, and all those jobs come together to make a video game. Pretty neat, huh? My
special job? Have you ever watched a video game where somebody gets shot in the head? Sure you have. And
you know how... depending on how close or how far away you are when you shoot him, that's how much you see his head get blown
apart. That's... that's me. That's my special job. I research impact, so it's realistic. It's horrible.
I've watched live animals be shot in the head, just so we could map the ballistics. Just so it looks real. Look
at the details. Blood splatters have to make sense. Bone fragments. Brain matter. They all behave
differently depending on the velocity of the projectile. I... I didn't volunteer for this job. I didn't
study it in school. It's the job I was assigned when I was hired at Chimashia. I wanted to do my job well... because
that's what you're supposed to do. And I... and I did. I got really good at it. So now... now I'm stuck
there. I'll never be given a different job. And I can't afford to quit. So... so I sit in my office, waiting
for somebody to tell me what insane weapon somebody else has dreamed up, and then I design how it looks to be shot in the
head by it. That's... that's my special job. You kids have a nice day.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
3:14 pm pdt
"That's right, Sparky, none of the dead are believed to be dogs."
3:12 pm pdt
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
4:35 pm pdt
History of the Future: October
The last time Peter Frampton's
"Do You Feel Like We Do?" is played on the radio. Anywhere. Ever. "And not a moment too soon,"
commented Vaugn Knightly, longtime disc jockey for WIDK radio in Crossgrove, Illinois.