Tuesday, February 7, 2017
1:02 pm pst
After a lifetime of work, Martin had succeeded in making
a mountain into a molehill.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
3:56 pm pst
Warren G. Harding
Warren Gamaliel Harding, our twenty-ninth President,
served from 1921 to 1923, and is generally seen as the worst president ever... well, so far. Ironically, perhaps, it's
not all the scandals that plagued both Harding's private and political lives that gave him such a bad reputation, but that
he had no vision for where he wanted the country to go. (Warren G. Harding:
Life in Brief) In all fairness, not many people at the time wanted the country to go anywhere. To put Harding
in perspective, he followed Woody Wilson, whose presidency included World War I and the Great Influenza pandemic. It's debatable which killed more, the War
or the Flu, but the end result was that tens of millions of people died all over the world, including the United States.
It wasn't a pleasant time. The country was ready for a return to "normalcy," and Harding was the ticket.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
2:18 pm pst
Once there was a man named Ojiwa.
Ojiwa bought a house in the City
because it had such a wonderful view of the evening sky.
Ojiwa worshipped the Moon.
He believed he should sit outside every evening and watch the Moon.
Except when it was raining,
he just didn't want to.
It wasn't a very
One evening Ojiwa's neighbor saw him sitting outside,
looking at the Moon
She asked Ojiwa what he was doing.
Ojiwa told her.
That frightened his neighbor.
She told her other neighbors.
It frightened them, too.
it made them mad.
Then they contacted a
really good lawyer,
and he made it against
the law to sit outside at night and look at the Moon.
They passed a law that said Ojiwa had to move.
So Ojiwa moved.
As Ojiwa was leaving, he said to his neighbors,
"You can get rid of everybody who worships the
but you can't get rid of the Moon."
So Ojiwa's neighbors contacted a really smart scientist,
and he's trying to figure out how to blow up the Moon.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
2:38 pm pst
you're attending a liberal arts college where you are pursuing a degree in liberal arts, and you're complaining that the professor
who teaches all those liberal arts is... liberal.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
3:42 pm pst
My Special Job
Hi, everybody, I'm Mr. Shepherd,
Billy's dad. Thank you so much for inviting me here to your school, Russell Elementary, for Careers Day. As Billy
may already have told you, I design computer games. Yeah, that is pretty cool. You might know some of the games
I've worked on. You might even have played them. Robot Plague. Blood Revenge Three. Gruesome Horrible
Death, both One and Two. And so many more. No, I don't make the entire game. I'm part of a great big team.
We all have our special jobs to do, and all those jobs come together to make a video game. Pretty neat, huh? My
special job? Have you ever watched a video game where somebody gets shot in the head? Sure you have. And
you know how... depending on how close or how far away you are when you shoot him, that's how much you see his head get blown
apart. That's... that's me. That's my special job. I research impact, so it's realistic. It's horrible.
I've watched live animals be shot in the head, just so we could map the ballistics. Just so it looks real. Look
at the details. Blood splatters have to make sense. Bone fragments. Brain matter. They all behave
differently depending on the velocity of the projectile. I... I didn't volunteer for this job. I didn't
study it in school. It's the job I was assigned when I was hired at Chimashia. I wanted to do my job well... because
that's what you're supposed to do. And I... and I did. I got really good at it. So now... now I'm stuck
there. I'll never be given a different job. And I can't afford to quit. So... so I sit in my office, waiting
for somebody to tell me what insane weapon somebody else has dreamed up, and then I design how it looks to be shot in the
head by it. That's... that's my special job. You kids have a nice day.