HomePlaysProsePoetryArtEditorial Staff


"Doing Absolutely Nothing for 35 Years."

HolyGrail2.jpg

The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry.  And let's face it:  No one publishes poetry.  So in the end, we’re left with a lot of free time.

 

 

 

What's New at the Press 

 

...What's Old at the Press 

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

National Tell A Joke Day

Let's face it.  August is rather devoid of meaningful holidays.  Not to put down such important holidays as National Watermelon Day on the 3rd, Wiggle Your Toes Day on the 6th, or National Dog Day, which shares the 26th with National Women's Equality Day.  By "meaningful," we mean days that you actually get off work for, such as Labor Day, or a holiday that at least gives us yet another reason to drink, like St. Patrick's Day, the Fourth or July, or... well, pretty much every holiday.  So here at HGP we've chose National Tell a Joke Day on August 16 as our candidate for the next Federal Holiday.

There is scant evidence anywhere that this is actually a holiday.  Nobody seems to know who created it or when it first was celebrated.  It has no national proclamations, and no one gets the day off... yet.  And aside from a few opportunistic online greeting cards, nobody does anything for this holiday... except tell jokes.  But here at the Press, we happen to be big fans of jokes.  So here’s our official joke for National Tell A Joke Day: 

A duck without a bill walks into a rhinoplasty clinic and asks the receptionist, “Do you do same day surgery?”  To which she answers, “No.”  “That’s OK,” says the duck.  “You can bill me later.”

8:32 am pdt 

Monday, August 7, 2017

Two Bears Pizzeria

Once upon a time
there were Two Bears
named Carlos and Boris
who decided to go into business
making pizza.
So they opened Two Bears Pizzeria.
They only made one kind of pizza -
salmon and anchovy
with bell peppers, honey, and olives...
green olives.
It was awful,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the pizza.
They were going to see Two Bears make pizza.
And the Two Bears did very well...
for about two weeks,
until a family of Badgers
opened a Thai place
down on 122nd and Division.
It was lousy Thai,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the Thai.

7:51 am pdt 

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Would It Be Worth It

to fly just once
free from the earth
with your arms held out to space
as you plummet to the ground below

1:00 pm pdt 

Monday, June 19, 2017

webassets/TheProperThing.jpg

Had the other rider been passing to his right, then it would have been proper to have offered him a greeting. 

4:21 pm pdt 

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

New Scientific Breakthrough!

A team of crack scientists here at HGP has determined that asbestos is a sexual stimulant, either taken internally or rubbed directly on the affected parts.  It works equally well and makes as much sense as a rhinoceros horn, or any other animal parts for that matter, but doesn't cause the extinction of any wild animals.  As well, it takes care of an existing biological problem, and possibly strengthens the human gene pool.  So the next time you're feeling down, asbestos may give you the lift you need!  Get some today!

10:23 am pdt 

2017.08.01
2017.07.01
2017.06.01
2017.04.01
2017.03.01
2017.02.01
2017.01.01
2016.12.01
2016.11.01
2016.10.01
2016.08.01
2016.06.01
2016.05.01
2016.02.01
2016.01.01
2015.12.01
2015.11.01
2015.10.01
2015.09.01
2015.08.01
2015.06.01
2015.05.01
2015.04.01
2015.02.01
2015.01.01
2014.12.01
2014.11.01
2014.09.01
2014.08.01
2014.07.01
2014.06.01
2014.05.01
2014.04.01
2014.03.01
2014.02.01
2014.01.01
2013.12.01
2013.10.01
2013.09.01
2013.07.01
2013.06.01
2013.05.01
2013.04.01
2013.03.01
2013.02.01
2013.01.01
2012.12.01
2012.10.01
2012.09.01
2012.08.01
2012.07.01
2012.06.01
2012.05.01
2012.04.01
2012.03.01
2012.02.01
2012.01.01
2011.12.01
2011.11.01
2011.10.01
2011.09.01
2011.08.01
2011.07.01
2011.06.01
2011.06.05
2011.05.29
2011.05.15
2011.05.08
2011.04.24
2011.04.17
2011.04.10
2011.02.13
2010.11.07
2010.10.31
2010.09.19
2010.09.05
2010.08.01
2010.07.25
2010.06.27
2010.06.20
2010.04.25
2010.04.18
2010.03.07
2010.02.28
2010.02.21
2010.02.14
2010.02.07
2009.06.21
2009.05.24
2009.04.19
2009.04.12
2009.04.05
2009.03.29
2009.03.22
2009.03.15
2009.03.08
2009.03.01
2009.02.22
2009.02.15
2009.02.08
2009.02.01
2009.01.25
2009.01.18
2009.01.11
2009.01.04
2008.12.28
2008.12.01

Link to web log's RSS file

 

 

And Since You Apparently have Nothing Better to do...

Be sure and visit our sister site,  The Incomplete Guide to American English