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"Doing Absolutely Nothing for Over 35 Years."

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The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry.  And let's face it:  No one publishes poetry.  So in the end, we’re left with a lot of free time.

 

 

 

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Friday, August 31, 2018

The History of the Future:  Sabermetrics and the Demonstrative Display of Faith

Sabermetrics, the use of statistical analysis in baseball to evaluate the performance of players, had been around since the end of the 20th Century.  It was in the summer of 2027 that Billy Crudesky, a sports writer for Weasel Sports, applied Sabermetrics to demonstrative displays of faith in professional baseball.  He sought to find out how players who crossed themselves before batting, pointed to the sky after getting a hit, said prayers before taking the mound, or other obvious displays of their religious beliefs actually performed relative to those players who did not.  What he found was startling.  Those players who publicly demonstrated their faith did far worse than other players.  Batters were found to hit, on an average, a full forty points lower than those players who did nothing more than warm up.  Base runners were thrown out more often, and less likely to score.  Pitchers had a higher ERA, walked more batters, and lost, on an average, five more games per season.  And fielders averaged more errors and made fewer marginal plays than those who simply did nothing.  By the end of the 2027 baseball season, Crudesky reported that demonstrative displays of faith had completely disappeared from professional baseball.

8:30 am pdt 

Thursday, August 2, 2018

The Dog Days of Summer

It's so hot you can fry a dog on the pavement... not that you'd want to.  However, that's not why they call it the "Dog Days."  The brightest star in the sky (if you don't count our sun, and why would you?) is Sirius, which is also known as the "Dog Star" because it is the most noticeable part of the constellation Canis Major, the Big Dog.  And, as we all know, Canis Major is Orion's hunting dog. (What are the Dog Days of Summer)

The heliacal rising of Sirius (meaning it rises in the morning) is visible in the Northern Hemisphere from July 3 to August 11, more or less, depending on where you actually are. (What are the Dog Days of Summer)  So, really, we could just as easily call it the Dog Days of July instead of the Dog Days of August... or whenever.  The further south you are, the earlier in the year Sirius rises... like in December.  (Little)  But here in the Northern Hemisphere, where everybody I know lives, Sirius rises in what happens to be the hottest part of the summer, at least, it was before global warming.  Why does it get so hot in the summer?  Well, that's easy!  It's a combination of our sun and Sirius.  No, I'm not being serious, but all those folks in the olden days believed that.  Of course, they believed all sorts of things that aren't true, but we can't blame them for trying.  (What are the Dog Days of Summer)

The Egyptians, not necessarily believing the nonsense about a distant star heating up our planet, associated Sirius with the Inundation, the annual flooding of the Nile, which brought life to that part of the world.  In fact, their new year began on the first full moon following the rise of Sirius.  On the other hand, the Greeks and the Romans, who notoriously believed in a lot of nonsense, saw the rise of Sirius as an ill omen, bringing famine and pestilence, and if anybody could do pestilence well, it was those guys.  Indeed, "Sirius" means "scorching" in Greek.  But then, disease rates really are higher in the summer. (What are the Dog Days of Summer)

If you want to locate Sirius, you'll first have to go outside at night.  It just won't work otherwise.  Then look up.  Next, find Orion's Belt – those three bright stars that almost everybody can identify, and then look down and to your left for the brightest star you can see.  Yup.  That's Sirius.  (Dog Days )  If you want somebody to blame for the heat, that's where to send your complaints. 

But, hey!  There's hope if you're patient enough, because of a little thingy called the Trepidation of the Equinoxes.  The earth, as it is wont to do, wobbles on its axis, so over time the stars shift in the night sky.  In just a scant 10,000 years Sirius will rise in the middle of winter.  Maybe then we'll call it the Dog Days of Winter, where it's so cold that even your dog wants to stay inside. (Dog Days)

 

 

Work Cited

"Dog Days."  Wikipedia.  Wikipedia Foundation, Inc. (18 July 2018):  n. pag.  Web.  02 Aug. 2018.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_days

Little, Becky.  "Why Do We Call Them the 'Dog Days' of Summer?"  National Geographic.  National Geographic Society  (10 July 2015):  n. pag.  Web.  02 Aug. 2018  https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/07/150710-dog-days-summer-sirius-star-astronomy-weather-language/

"What are the Dog Days of Summer?"  The Old Farmer's Almanac.  Yankee Publishing Co. (2018):  n. pag.  Web.  02 Aug. 2018  https://www.almanac.com/content/what-are-dog-days-summer

 

 

 

9:32 am pdt 

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Lightbulbs

Pretty amazing, huh?  I took out these walls here so the whole house would have that gallery feel.  It'll look a lot better once I get the walls patched.  I got all the shelves from IKEA.  The foam on all the shelves – you can get that in bulk online. 

It's the world's largest collection of burnt out lightbulbs.  Well, as far as I know.  Technically, a lightbulb is called a "lamp," but most people don't know that, so if you call a lightbulb a lamp, it's just confusing. 

Over here... these are some of my favourites.  This one.  This one was my first.  It was from my nightlight when I was a kid.  This is the left turn signal bulb in the first car I ever owned.  A 1964 Chevy Impala.  This one was from the streetlight in front of my childhood home.  I'm not saying how I got it.

This is the automotive wing.  These are all car headlights.  Ford here.  That's Chevy.  Chrysler.  Dodge.  Foreign.  Exotics.  Check this one out.  It's from a 1992 Ferrari F40.  I paid $38 for that, including shipping.  It would've cost considerably more had it not been burnt out.

These are all my florescent bulbs, by width and length.  A lot of folks would argue that fluorescent lights really don't use bulbs.  And they have a point.  I mean, I don't include neon, and I know it's pretty much the same.  I dunno.  I just had a lot of them, so I thought, "Why not?"  The way I figure it, it's my museum.  I can curate it like I want.

These are all novelty lightbulbs.  See?  When you turn this one on, it's a smiley face.  And the light's yellow.  Pretty cool.  This one, it's a black light bulb.  Most black lights that aren't fluorescent, really aren't black lights.  They've just been filtered to look that way.  But this really is a black light.  It's a lightbulb-shaped fluorescent light with a little charger right in the base.  That is cool.  It still works, too.

A lot of folks think I'm... you know... a bit off for collecting burnt out lightbulbs.  But check this out.  I bet you've never seen a bulb like this.  1924.  It's an antique.  See how much more fragile that is?  They made lightbulbs before 1924... but who kept them when they burnt out?  I'll tell you:  Nobody.  Old ones turn up now and again, in old buildings and what not.  But for the most part, they're all gone.

Technology is moving away from lightbulbs.  Soon, it'll be all LED, and who knows what after that.  The classic lightbulb.  The lightbulb you remember from when you were a kid.  Soon they'll be gone forever.  And that's because nobody saves burnt out lightbulbs.  Except for me.

 

9:41 am pdt 

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

DNA My Way

 

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I always believed that I was related to George Washington Carver, the famous Black inventor.  And together we shared relatives who lived for centuries deep in the Congo before being sold into slavery.  Motumba!  And then I had my DNA tested.  They said I wasn't related to George Washington Carver at all.  They said I wasn't even Black.  They said my relatives all came from Norway.  Then I found DNA My WayTM.  With DNA My Way, there are no tests to take or forms to fill out.  With DNA My Way you just tell them where you want to be from and who you want to be related to, and they'll do the rest.  With DNA My Way, not only am I related to George Washington Carver, but I'm also related to Sitting Bull.  And Ghandi!  DNA My Way:  Because nobody really cares.


 

4:13 pm pdt 

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

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Ockham, without his razor 

3:57 pm pdt 

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