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"Doing Absolutely Nothing for 35 Years."

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The Holy Grail Press is dedicated to promoting work that standard publishers... you know, those with standards, might be reluctant to publish, which pretty much leaves poetry.  And let's face it:  No one publishes poetry.  So in the end, we’re left with a lot of free time.

 

 

 

What's New at the Press 

 

...What's Old at the Press 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

I Take Pictures of My Shoes

I go places like city parks,
ball games,
art shows...
just about anywhere,
and I take pictures of my shoes.

I usually sit,
but sometimes I stand,
because it's easier.

You see,
here you can tell I'm at the ballgame,
because of all the peanut shells.

And here,
I'm at the beach.
See the sand?

I've framed a few of my favourites.
On the bus to the top of Pike's Peak.
And here I am,
at the top,
standing next to those nice people from Japan.
Those are some of my favourites.

But it's all digital.
I can watch them on my flat screen,
all in a big loop,
one picture of my shoes,
followed by another picture of my shoes,
each following another,
forever.

 

10:43 am pdt 

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Birdseed and Sex

There's nothing exceptional
about a sparrow named Stanley.
All sparrows are named Stanley.
It makes things easier.

Scientific fact:
Sparrows can't tell one sparrow
from another, either.

Therefore, whenever any sparrow sees another sparrow,
which is all the time
because they always fly around together,
either of those sparrows ...or both,
or for simplicity's sake -
Stanley always assumes whatever thoughts
that other bird may be having are his own,
however fleeting those thoughts might be,
and a sparrow's thoughts do fleet so.

Humans call this schizophrenia.
Sparrows call it normal.

So when a fully grown cat
flew over Stanley's head
in what was otherwise a perfectly good day,
there were many thoughts that went fleeting fleetfully through all the Stanleys' heads.

A flying cat
must be the most superior cat.
And that would make it
the most superior being
anywhere,
even here.
God had just flown by Stanley,
and paid him no never mind.
And that was a good thing.

The cat wasn't flying at all.
It was falling,
along with everything else -
even Stanley -
all plummeting to the pavement below.
And there was nothing Stanley could do about it,
except to ignore it.
For if we all are plunging to the pavement below,
then all that matters is how gracefully we fall.

The cat alone was falling
but falling with grace,
with the wind going tippity-tippity-tip through its tail.
Falling,
as in not being able to successfully prove,
that all it takes is desire,
for a cat to fly.
But showing,
through its grace,
that dying isn't nearly as bad,
as never having tried.

But it's all academic.
Every Stanley knows a cat can't fly.
A flying cat is impossible.
However, there is a flying cat.
Therefore, all things must be possible.
And if all things are possible,
then it is just possible
that how Stanley is,
exactly right now,
is exactly good enough.

8:19 am pdt 

Friday, September 29, 2017

The difference between enlightenment and religion is marketing.
8:59 am pdt 

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

National Tell A Joke Day

Let's face it.  August is rather devoid of meaningful holidays.  Not to put down such important holidays as National Watermelon Day on the 3rd, Wiggle Your Toes Day on the 6th, or National Dog Day, which shares the 26th with National Women's Equality Day.  By "meaningful," we mean days that you actually get off work for, such as Labor Day, or a holiday that at least gives us yet another reason to drink, like St. Patrick's Day, the Fourth or July, or... well, pretty much every holiday.  So here at HGP we've chose National Tell a Joke Day on August 16 as our candidate for the next Federal Holiday.

There is scant evidence anywhere that this is actually a holiday.  Nobody seems to know who created it or when it first was celebrated.  It has no national proclamations, and no one gets the day off... yet.  And aside from a few opportunistic online greeting cards, nobody does anything for this holiday... except tell jokes.  But here at the Press, we happen to be big fans of jokes.  So here’s our official joke for National Tell A Joke Day: 

A duck without a bill walks into a rhinoplasty clinic and asks the receptionist, “Do you do same day surgery?”  To which she answers, “No.”  “That’s OK,” says the duck.  “You can bill me later.”

8:32 am pdt 

Monday, August 7, 2017

Two Bears Pizzeria

Once upon a time
there were Two Bears
named Carlos and Boris
who decided to go into business
making pizza.
So they opened Two Bears Pizzeria.
They only made one kind of pizza -
salmon and anchovy
with bell peppers, honey, and olives...
green olives.
It was awful,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the pizza.
They were going to see Two Bears make pizza.
And the Two Bears did very well...
for about two weeks,
until a family of Badgers
opened a Thai place
down on 122nd and Division.
It was lousy Thai,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the Thai.

7:51 am pdt 

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